Lesson 1 - Criticism kills | How to win friends and influence people

     A special book given by my dad a long time ago. But, not until recently I felt the urgency to read and share something about it. It's not that I don't have time to, but I just can't make time to read it. Ok, I sound like I'm trying to cover up my laziness.... LOL. The name of the book is self-explanatory. It is what the title says. In today's entry, I'm gonna share with you what it tells us in the 1st chapter and I'll try to do it every week, in shaa Allah. At least that will keep me constantly reading it... haha :P

"Don't Criticise, Condemn, or Complain."

  *FYI, not the real name of the chapter

     Why not? At least it keeps his mouth shut.... 

     Ever been in a situation where people criticise or condemn you? Yup, I've been in those situations a lot of time and often what I do, what most people would do, when people criticised us, we will start justifying ourselves and prove what we are doing is not wrong. I just can't see myself doing it differently. Why? Because criticism is bad. It puts us in a defensive stance. It hurts one's precious pride, wound our sense of importance. Criticism is bad because it demoralise and yet to create any change at all. B.F Skinner, a Behavioural Psychologist showed that animals learn rapidly through rewards than punishments. The same concept applies to human.

  

     Human being is not a creature of logic. We are dealing with people of emotions, so it is very very important to not speak ill of anyone. Bitter criticism pulls one's pride down to Earth. Just take a minute and start thinking what could happen if you start criticising people and condemning them? Yup, you do get satisfaction, your own pride restored. But there're price to be paid, your going to create a super wide barrier with him, induce hatred in them towards you, worsen the relationship, demoralised them, or worse, destroy their future. You get more bad things than any good outcome.

     Instead, try to understand what they went through. You wouldn't know that the reason that your student came late to school because they have only a single pair of school uniform to be shared with his own brother and he had to wait for his brother to return, so that he could wear the uniform to school. Let's try and figure why they do what they do and this is infinitely better than criticising. It encourages us to be tolerant and be kind to others. Talk to them nicely. Don't start calling names or label them as selfish, they are intolerant, stupid, etc because they might not know that it is wrong or they might have even done their best for it. We are not one to judge anyone. Allah does not judge any of His servants until the Day of Resurrection. So why should you and I? ;)

Principle 1

- Don't criticise, condemn, or complain -