Ok people, in Part I we've talked about the negative effects of porn, to make you have an idea that porn is not a good thing and to develop a sort of motivation for you to quit. Later in Part II, we've discussed in realistic situation. Early stage of quitting porn can be difficult and the reason that we tend to go back to our old bad habit is simply because of ambivalence, the conflicting emotions of wanting the pleasure that porn gives you and at the same time, wanting to get rid of it because of its devastating drawbacks. Strong motivation is the key to resolve this ambivalence in order to reach your goal of leading a free - porn lifestyle and being a better servants of Allah. So, here comes Part III, telling you guys some strategy to build some motivation for you to kick out porn from your life FOR ALL ETERNITYYYY~~~ InsyaAllah, hehe ;)
( Ok, before I start, what I have been writing from part I until part III is none of my genuine work. I'm merely extracting the works of Wendy Maltz and Larry Maltz, the author of "The Porn Trap". Just so you know it ~ ;) )
Quitting porn is no easy task. It's a form of addiction. Just to get an idea of how hard it is, you can simply ask someone who is addicted to cigarettes or drug. Ask them and they will start uttering swear words and say it was hard, haha. Well, yeah, I mean it. No joke! It really is tough >.< So, like I've said in Part I, don't worry, be happy.... I'm trying to make you happy (^o^)v
In Part 3, we're going to talk about strategy aaaaaalllllll the way, man. I'm sensing some excitement and eagerness here, haha. Ok, so there are four strategies that we can use to tackle porn out of your life and don't worry, it's practical and realistic, not theoretical and idealistic. So, the four strategies are....
- ACKNOWLEDGE HOW PORN USE CAUSES YOU PROBLEMS.
- IDENTIFY WHAT MATTERS MOST TO YOU.
- FACE YOUR FEARS.
- TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN RECOVERY.
So, now, let's go more detail for each one of these. (I'm going to cover only the first 2 of it in this entry. Simply to make sure that you don't lose focus of reading too much... haha)
#1 - ACKNOWLEDGE HOW PORN USE CAUSES YOU PROBLEMS
Very important stuff and I'm telling you this, you need to recognise the series of consequences and problems you have experienced in the past with porn. It could be any experience like...
It destroys my relationship with Allah...
It makes my self - esteem goes down...
It makes me lose a lot of energy and causing me to loose focus in class...
Anything, just simply any bad experience you had with this thing called porn.... ANYTHING~
And don't forget as well to foreshadow the future. Predict its potential problems that it may cause in the future. We've discussed some of it like how it may affect your marriage, your career, your life in hereafter (well that's a big one..huu~). You need to acknowledge all these problems because it is very important to build such motivation to kick porn away from your life. I said it is important because most porn - users, they tend to be in denial of the threat that porn poses into their life so that they can continue using it without feeling guilty. So, how in the world are you going to get rid of porn when you are acknowledging the danger of it?? So I'm stressing it again, VERY IMPORTANT TO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT PORN IS BIIGGG PROBLEM. By doing so could motivate you. You know, maybe you have some problem to acknowledge your problem. There are a few things you could do to accomplish this, such as talking to a counselor or a trusted friend. Writing down your experience and regularly self - reflecting can be helpful. People successfully kick out porn addiction by frequently thinking of its negative consequences. In addition, you may want to do the following exercise.....
How Porn Is a Problem for Me
Set aside an hour when you won't be distracted by anything else to answer these:
1 - What problems has porn caused me in the past?
2 - What problems am I experiencing today because of porn?
3 - How has porn changed me in ways I don't like?
4 - How does my porn use hurt my intimate partner and others?
5 - What problems could occur in the future if I continue using it?
Recommended that you write your answers on a piece of paper. Keep the answers
nearby, so you can access them easily. Reread your answers frequently, especially
when you feel the urge to use porn. Elaborate your answers as you become more
aware of the negative consequences of porn in your life.
nearby, so you can access them easily. Reread your answers frequently, especially
when you feel the urge to use porn. Elaborate your answers as you become more
aware of the negative consequences of porn in your life.
#2 - IDENTIFY WHAT MATTERS MOST TO YOU
You need to be honest with yourself about how with the usage of porn stops you from living up to your core values, beliefs and meeting your life goals. You know what I mean. It's simply you need to acknowledge and be honest that porn actually going against your Allah's orders, going against the values you had that porn is a bad stuff or whatever you have in mind. As I have said in Part II, you already making a first step to climb up to porn - free lifestyle once you realised that this destructive stuff is against your belief, your religion. That awareness is the key to get out. To recognise that porn is not compatible with your belief, you might want to settle down a couple of minutes, or maybe hours to think about....
~ What do you really want from your life?
~ What principles do you believe in?
~ What kind of contribution do you want to make to your family or to the community?
~ How would you want others to think of you?
~ And most importantly, how do you want Allah to look at you?
Imaginary world of porn, its fantasy usually clouds your mind. How powerful its clouding power (is there such thing as clouding power...??? Oh well, carry on, haha) is to the extent we can ignore the danger that it may cause to us and our future. It clouds a person's idea of what matters most to them. Early age using porn could make people less care of what they want to accomplish because all their energy and mind are 'corrupted', in a sense. Maintaining a STRONG CONNECTION with your own values is very very important. For a porn user, doing so can....
~ Helps showing us the inconsistencies that you may have between your belief and your behaviour.
~ Highlight the inner conflicts that within you.
Connecting your values strongly to your life is the core to reinforce your commitment to your goal, which is quitting porn. It gives you positive and personally meaningful recovery. Thinking regularly about what really matters can somehow sustain their desire to quit porn. Understanding how porn doesn't go together with Allah wants from you or your personal belief can provide you with a strong reason to make a change and stick with it... Again, some writing exercise and it's important for you to do it and take some time to answer it...
What Really Matters to Me
The following questions can help you identify your values, beliefs and goals. It helps
you to be more conscious of what's important to you. Be as concise or elaborate with
your answers as you like ~ :)
1 - What are the top six things that matter most to me in my life?
2 - What personal goals do I want to achieve?
3 - What did Islam told me? or What are my religious or spiritual beliefs?
4 - Who is the most important person around me and how do I want to treat
him or her?
5 - How would I like to contribute to my community, society, religion?
6 - In what ways does porn use conflict with my religion, with Islam and
my life goals?
Once you've finished, put it somewhere where you can access them. If you want to
discuss it with your counselor or trusted friends, it would be recommendable. No one
can tell you what's important to you, conversations with people that you trust, or
simply by waking up at night and start doing a self - reflection can help stimulate your
awareness. Frequently look at it to build awareness.
It needs to be consistently reminded. We humans tend to forget, even though sometimes we remember in our mind, it may not be enough until it comes from outside factor such as other person or what you have written. Allah said in the Quran...
"And remind, (by preaching the Quran, O Muhammad pbuh) for verily, reminding profits the believers."
(51 : 55)
(^o^)v
So, always need to remind yourself so that you can see your path clearly without any fog or cloud, insyaAllah. May Allah make ease for y'all out there.
I think that's it for now. It's already a long entry... pheww~ -.-' Anyways, I'll see you guys in Part III - II, where we will go into details the other two strategies left. So, for the time being, acknowledge the problems you have with porn and identify what matters most. Hang in there. Make du'a everyday, do not stop. Hope this du'a can make a strong motivation for you to work on quitting porn, insyaAllah. Allah is with you, my man (^_^)
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