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Showing posts with label Psychology. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Psychology. Show all posts

It's YOU... always about YOU

16:28 | Labels: ,


I saw this picture on Facebook..

What do you have in mind when you look at it?

Well...

???

It's a good guideline isn't it?

But, is there any problem with this photo?

Hmm, I wonder.... :-/


Guideline/s and support is what you need to get you going.

But... let's look at this particular verse in the Qur'an.

"Verily, Allah will not change the good condition of a people as long as they do not change their state of goodness themselves."
(13:11)

Oooo... Snap~ >.<

So, what does this mean?

It means.....

Come on, I need an answer... !(^^)!


It means that change has to come from within...

It's about your cognitive perspective (psychological term for the way you think.)

In fact this cognitive thingy is what gets you going.

The way you perceive of yourself in the future, the way you look at yourself and so on.


Don't bother looking for what works best to change you...

Cos those things only works, given that you already have self conscious to change yourself.

Before looking for ways, look into yourself first.

If you don't want to change, don't blame your surroundings.
It's like you're trying to erect a house by using a stick instead of pillars and walls.

It won't stand.






I talked to some people...(anonymous...hehe)

I asked them, (simple example) "When will you get your weights down?"

And he answered,"When the time comes."

Ok, just so you know, "When the time comes" simply means when you decide to change.

If you don't decide to change, the so - called "When the time comes" will never come... even if you die, and live again.

And this applies to every changes that you want to make.

Make the "time" comes by making your attitude change.


Once you do that, then it's time to look for ways to help.

At this particular moment, the support will help you.

Even if you fall during your journey...

You will eventually rise back up again and continue your journey.

Once you decide to change, guidelines and support will facilitate

It helps you to channel your motivation in a right way.

It can be in any form, as long as it doesn't go against the shari'a framework.


"So ask to those who know (the experts) if you do not know (about something)."
(16:43)




To recap
  1. Change comes within yourself.
  2. You can have the best motivator, the best counselor, the  best therapist but it won't do you any good if you don't want to change.
  3. Search for your motivation to change.
  4. Then only you look for ways to make it happen.


Quoting Gandhi....

Be the change that you want to see in this world.


*Just my personal view and from what I've learned. Happy 55th Independence Day people. Lots of love from Adelaide to all Malaysians. A tribute to all the historical figures who went through such tribulations to gain independence. 

I wonder, maybe they have developed the same motivations as well.. Just my two cents.. haha.







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Posted by Unknown

Baby empathy (^_^)

18:45 | Labels: ,




     Just like the title says, I thought babies, or children of a very young age (1 or 2 years old) does not have any specific feeling other than getting hungry and cry whenever they feel uncomfortable. Amazingly they have such reflexes immediately after they were born. Wow... subhanAllah (^o^)v

     As you guys are aware that I'm a psychology student, and last week I just finished lectures on developmental psychology (hate the assessment... haha). So, what we're doing, is about human development from infant to old age but more focused on babies and childhood development. Well, I was surprised, not sure if 'surprised' is the right word. Maybe excited.. I dunno but you know the feeling when someone tells you something and starts to make a sense and ring you a bell. You'll be like.."Ooooo...", "Aaaa...", "Okaaayy... no wonder". hehe.. :)

     Lots of things that I learned but what I'm gonna share here today is about emotion, specifically empathy. Empathy is more than sympathy. Sympathy is like you're feeling sorry for someone, while empathy is more like you feel sorry for them and you can feel it just the way that person feels and wanted to make things better. And babies younger that 1 years old, surprisingly, have this feeling. It has shown that an 11-month old who witnesses another child fall and cry will tend to put her thumb in her mouth and bury her head in her mother's lap as if she was hurt herself. SubhanAllah, amazing isn't it! Plus, it looks very cute..ahahha. No one thought them to do so. It is very innate. But the empathy that children between 0 months to 1 years old experienced is what we called as global empathy. They have problems to know whether whose distress is whose. Hehe.. Got a little bit confuse, but nonetheless, they do have empathy.




     Then, when they've grown and when they're 2 years old, they already developed what known as empathic distress, which means feeling upset for another person. They don't just feel upset, they can recognise when someone is hurting, feel bad and sorry for the person and they have this will to make the person feel better. For example, a 13-month year old might give a sad - looking adult her favourite soft toys. Or maybe even try to call her caregiver to comfort her crying playmate. Allahu akbar, subhanAllah.... This is damn beautiful :')

     The big lesson that I've learned is that humans are innately good. Children are born good. These are signs of Allah, babies who weren't thought anything, knows what empathy is. So many signs of Allah by just looking at ourselves. Allah has said in the Qur'an..


"And on the Earth are signs of those who have Faith in certainty. And also in your ownselves, will you then see?"
(51 : 20 - 21)

(^_^)


     And it even make sense when prophet Muhammad SAW said that babies were born as pure as a white cloth and it's up to their parents to shape them. Psychological research has proven and rationalise it. Such beauty... subhanAllah :D

     Sometimes, we can just sit down and think about yourselves. How Allah has created us so complete. So, complex and amazing. Just think for a while, think of Allah's sign is also an Ibadah that can bring us closer to Him. InsyaAllah...

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Posted by Unknown

The Porn Trap (Pt. III - 2) ~ More strategy to kick porn.

19:03 | Labels:




     Alhamdulillah, it's already 9th of Ramadan, I hope y'all been tight with acts of ibadah to Allah and your Tadarus (Quran Recitation). Let's together ensure that at the end of this Ramadan, we will be able to kick out our bad habits or behaviour that we want to kick and we hope to continue maintaining the pace after Ramadan ends, insyaAllah (^_^)

    First of all, I'm reaaalllyyy sorry for the late of entry  >.<   I know you guys been desperate to look out for more strategies and you want to make sure that you get the most strategy to kick out your worst nightmare, but I'm so sorry...cos 2nd semester is starting and I've been a bit busy lately to keep updating my blog. Again, so sorry and hope this entry today somehow complements the previous entry, which is Part 3. Ok, let's get down to business, shall we? hehe

     Previously in Part 3, we have gone through 2 out of 4 steps or strategies to systematically kick out porn from your life. We've gone through... 1. Acknowledge how porn use causes you problems, & 2. Identify what matters most to you. And previously in Part 2, I've mentioned about how ambivalence is a barrier and how motivation can solve ambivalence to get you going in ripping off porn out of your life. So, as for Part III - 2, I'm going to focus on the remaining two strategies, namely....

  1. FACE YOUR FEARS.
  2. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN RECOVERY.

#1 - FACE YOUR FEARS
hehehe.... :P

     I would say this is the most important reason that we should acknowledge. Fear. This is usually the cause of the ambivalence and how it put a barrier for the motivation to help you get going. It is something common for porn - users to face whenever they decided to quit. They face fear. I mean, you guys could be wondering, what sort of fear it is? Porn is not a monster... nor it is a ghost, or my discipline teacher that I should be afraid of. I mean, what is it that you are trying to tell us? Well, in making major life changes, and we're talking about giving up something that gives you instant euphoric pleasure, is often initially scary, even though we are all aware of how good it is to change such habit. It's more than just quitting porn, it's about changing your lifestyle, changing your ways of coping with stress, learning how to relate to others more openly and honestly. Porn users with the strongest emotional and sexual attachment to porn, often have the most fear quitting.

     Basically, it is not the screaming and yelling kind of fear that we're talking about here. Often, fear in this case are masked by other feelings such as anxiety, depression and agitation, which happens when porn users attempt to quit porn. It is very stressful >.<  but you have to hangin' there. What you can do about it is to identify your fear and this should be resolved before it overshadow progressively your motivation to quit porn. The more unconscious fears you have, the more challenging it is to stay on track with your motivation. Some of the ways you can do is to do this checklist to identify your fear because identifying and being able to admit you fears is an important first step in resolving it. I mean, to make it simple, to cure your disease, you need to know whether it is a flu or fever before you can proceed with finding the cure, isn't it? So, here is the checklist...

Common fears of being without Porn

Tick next to each item with which you agree:

          ___  I'm afraid of becoming depressed.
          ___  I'm afraid of getting angry and upset.
          ___  I'm afraid of feeling lonely.
          ___  I'm afraid of getting stressed out.
          ___  I'm afraid of losing interest in sex.
          ___  I'm afraid of having less enjoyment in sex.
          ___  I'm afraid of feeling sexually frustrated.
          ___  I'm afraid I'll get involved with even riskier sexual behaviours.
          ___  I'm afraid I'll have to tell others about my problem and they'll reject me.
          ___  I'm afraid no one will understand and be able to help me.
          ___  I'm afraid I will fail if I try to quit.
          ___ Other
          _________________________________________________________________
          _________________________________________________________________


I bet you've noticed that the checklist is categorized in a form of emotional well - being, sexual enjoyment and relating to others. (you aware of it right???) Well, porn somehow, able to fulfill the needs in any of these three categories. It provides an escape route when  you have any problems relating to your emotions, your sexual life (for the married) and even social problem. Porn, is so 'universal', that it can help solving it instantly. And I know you guys aware that instant stuff comes with some price to be paid in the future. After doing the checklist, just sit down, relax and identify your fear. Does it fall on all three of the categories? Or is it more focused on emotional well - being? So, from here, you should be able to find out your fear. For example, you found out that you're afraid of feeling lonely. So the solution comes by planning some steps to NOT make you feel lonely. Maybe plan your activities, to meet up with friends, maybe when to call your family and so on. Tons of things to think about. I'm pretty sure of it :)

     Just so you know, emotional experiences like depression, angry, stressed, agitation and so on is a common feeling that you have for any lost of significant attachment. Any sort attachment. Cigarette, porn, games, lovers (duhh~ -.-') It can be very very intense in the first six months, and the intensity should be going down as you going through your life with commitment to quit porn, insyaAllah. Well, if it gets worse, might as well see a counselor or seek expert's advice. Some people also afraid that quitting porn means giving up some sexual opportunity, when in fact it's not. It's actually you're opening the door to other types of sexual experience which is more intimate with your partner, later on when you get married. May Allah make haste for you guys, amiiinn~ hehe (^o^)v

     One of the guys that I met and had this problem said to me, the way he get rid of this is simply to write it down on your diary or life journal where you can have a look at it again and again. You know, just outline, what you're gonna face for the first few months of quitting porn so that you'll be ready for it. Some other people said, saying out loud your fears could help, I mean I dunno, there's no clear cut for it. You can come up with your own creativity to get this thing going. Therefore, one point to take away, it's important to know that, regardless of the nature of your fears...

"...getting them out in the open weakens their influence and helps you stay motivated to quit porn...."


#2 - TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN RECOVERY.




"One day, pornography is not gonna come up to you and say, Look, it's okay if you don't use me anymore. Change has to start from within. It's up to you to make it happen. You have to tell yourself, I'm not gonna have to do this anymore. One day I will change to the point where I won't ever use porn anymore."

     This is one of the dialog that I copied directly from the book and it has lots of truth in it. What he is saying is parallel to what Allah says in the Qur'an...

"Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves."
(13 : 11)

Taking responsibility simply means you have to be your coach, you manager, your point guard, your forward, your centre. You have to be everything. Maybe you can have your families and your friends as the supporters. But supporters can only support, they can't replace the foundation. You need to have a strong will to give it a go. 
   
     In order to become a winner in this battle with porn, one of the best strategies is to start making a list of successes you achieved in overcoming other challenges in life and looked at how you were able to come up with such unique solution to solve it. Some people prefer to talk with their friends and professionals, others like to do it on their own or they like to try an error of their plans and see which one works the most. Anyhow, simply have a look at your previous successes can help you, no matter how hard the journey goes, you have been successful at facing up to it in the past. You have made it here in one piece. And don't worry, it's all within your capabilities. Allah said...

"Allah burdens not a person beyond his scope"
(2 : 286)


     Well, I think that's the end of The Porn Trap series, hehe. Just some advice for you and me, you know, we can go out there and search for the best methods possible. However, if you are not gonna work on it, put an effort into it and spend some time with it, then there's no way you'll be able to stop, unless Allah wills it. But in order for Allah to wills it, you have to work on it. Gather all the resources that you have, and start changing. I'm not saying it's gonna be easy, but it's gonna be a challenge. InsyaAllah, in this month of Ramadan, I make du'a to Allah that whoever suffers from this habit, will be given strength to go on and be able to fight this battle. Amiinnn~ Ramadan Kareem y'all   

(^o^)v



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Posted by Unknown

The Porn Trap (Pt. III) ~ Some strategy to get y'all start kicking porn away :)

17:21 | Labels:


     
     Ok people, in Part I we've talked about the negative effects of porn, to make you have an idea that porn is not a good thing and to develop a sort of motivation for you to quit. Later in Part II, we've discussed in realistic situation. Early stage of quitting porn can be difficult and the reason that we tend to go back to our old bad habit is simply because of ambivalence, the conflicting emotions of wanting the pleasure that porn gives you and at the same time, wanting to get rid of it because of its devastating drawbacks. Strong motivation is the key to resolve this ambivalence in order to reach your goal of leading a free - porn lifestyle and being a better servants of Allah. So, here comes Part III, telling you guys some strategy to build some motivation for you to kick out porn from your life FOR ALL ETERNITYYYY~~~ InsyaAllah, hehe ;)

     ( Ok, before I start, what I have been writing from part I until part III is none of my genuine work. I'm merely extracting the works of Wendy Maltz and Larry Maltz, the author of "The Porn Trap". Just so you know it ~  ;) )

     Quitting porn is no easy task. It's a form of addiction. Just to get an idea of how hard it is, you can simply ask someone who is addicted to cigarettes or drug. Ask them and they will start uttering swear words and say it was hard, haha. Well, yeah, I mean it. No joke! It really is tough  >.<   So, like I've said in Part I, don't worry, be happy.... I'm trying to make you happy (^o^)v   

     In Part 3, we're going to talk about strategy aaaaaalllllll the way, man. I'm sensing some excitement and eagerness here, haha. Ok, so there are four strategies that we can use to tackle porn out of your life and don't worry, it's practical and realistic, not theoretical and idealistic. So, the four strategies are....

  1. ACKNOWLEDGE HOW PORN USE CAUSES YOU PROBLEMS.
  2. IDENTIFY WHAT MATTERS MOST TO YOU.
  3. FACE YOUR FEARS.
  4. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN RECOVERY.
So, now, let's go more detail for each one of these. (I'm going to cover only the first 2 of it in this entry. Simply to make sure that you don't lose focus of reading too much... haha)


#1 - ACKNOWLEDGE HOW PORN USE CAUSES YOU PROBLEMS



     Very important stuff and I'm telling you this, you need to recognise the series of consequences and problems you have experienced in the past with porn. It could be any experience like...

It destroys my relationship with Allah...
It makes my self - esteem goes down...
It makes me lose a lot of energy and causing me to loose focus in class...

Anything, just simply any bad experience you had with this thing called porn.... ANYTHING~



And don't forget as well to foreshadow the future. Predict its potential problems that it may cause in the future. We've discussed some of it like how it may affect your marriage, your career, your life in hereafter (well that's a big one..huu~). You need to acknowledge all these problems because it is very important to build such motivation to kick porn away from your life. I said it is important because most porn - users, they tend to be in denial of the threat that porn poses into their life so that they can continue using it without feeling guilty. So, how in the world are you going to get rid of porn when you are acknowledging the danger of it?? So I'm stressing it again, VERY IMPORTANT TO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT PORN IS BIIGGG PROBLEM. By doing so could motivate you. You know, maybe you have some problem to acknowledge your problem. There are a few things you could do to accomplish this, such as talking to a counselor or a trusted friend. Writing down your experience and regularly self - reflecting can  be helpful. People successfully kick out porn addiction by frequently thinking of its negative consequences. In addition, you may want to do the following exercise.....

How Porn Is a Problem for Me

          Set aside an hour when you won't be distracted by anything else to answer these:
          1 - What problems has porn caused me in the past?
          2 - What problems am I experiencing today because of porn?
          3 - How has porn changed me in ways I don't like?
          4 - How does my porn use hurt my intimate partner and others?
          5 - What problems could occur in the future if I continue using it?

          Recommended that you write your answers on a piece of paper. Keep the answers 
          nearby, so you can access them easily. Reread your answers frequently, especially 
          when you feel the urge to use porn. Elaborate your answers as you become more 
          aware of the negative consequences of porn in your life.



#2 - IDENTIFY WHAT MATTERS MOST TO YOU



     You need to be honest with yourself about how with the usage of porn stops you from living up to your core values, beliefs and meeting your life goals. You know what I mean. It's simply you need to acknowledge and be honest that porn actually going against your Allah's orders, going against the values you had that porn is a bad stuff or whatever you have in mind. As I have said in Part II, you already making a first step to climb up to porn - free lifestyle once you realised that this destructive stuff is against your belief, your religion. That awareness is the key to get out. To recognise that porn is not compatible with your belief, you might want to settle down a couple of minutes, or maybe hours to think about....

~ What do you really want from your life?
~ What principles do you believe in?
~ What kind of contribution do you want to make to your family or to the community?
~ How would you want others to think of you?
~ And most importantly, how do you want Allah to look at you?
Imaginary world of porn, its fantasy usually clouds your mind. How powerful its clouding power (is there such thing as clouding power...??? Oh well, carry on, haha) is to the extent we can ignore the danger that it may cause to us and our future. It clouds a person's idea of what matters most to them. Early age using porn could make people less care of what they want to accomplish because all their energy and mind are 'corrupted', in a sense. Maintaining a STRONG CONNECTION with your own values is very very important. For a porn user, doing so can....
          ~ Helps showing us the inconsistencies that you may have between your belief and your behaviour.
          ~ Highlight the inner conflicts that within you.

Connecting your values strongly to your life is the core to reinforce your commitment to your goal, which is quitting porn. It gives you positive and personally meaningful recovery. Thinking regularly about what really matters can somehow sustain their desire to quit porn. Understanding how porn doesn't go together with Allah wants from you or your personal belief can provide you with a strong reason to make a change and stick with it... Again, some writing exercise and it's important for you to do it and take some time to answer it...

What Really Matters to Me
          
          The following questions can help you identify your values, beliefs and goals. It helps 
          you to be more conscious of what's important to you. Be as concise or elaborate with
          your answers as you like ~ :)

          1 - What are the top six things that matter most to me in my life?
          2 - What personal goals do I want to achieve?
          3 - What did Islam told me? or What are my religious or spiritual beliefs?
          4 - Who is the most important person around me and how do I want to treat 
                him or her?
          5 - How would I like to contribute to my community, society, religion?
          6 - In what ways does porn use conflict with my religion, with Islam and 
               my life goals?

          Once you've finished, put it somewhere where you can access them. If you want to 
         discuss it with your counselor or trusted friends, it would be recommendable. No one 
         can tell you what's important to you, conversations with people that you trust, or 
         simply by waking up at night and start doing a self - reflection can help stimulate your 
         awareness. Frequently look at it to build awareness.

It needs to be consistently reminded. We humans tend to forget, even though sometimes we remember in our  mind, it may not be enough until it comes from outside factor such as other person or what you have written. Allah said in the Quran...
"And remind, (by preaching the Quran, O Muhammad pbuh) for verily, reminding profits the believers."
(51 : 55)
(^o^)v

So, always need to remind yourself so that you can see your path clearly without any fog or cloud, insyaAllah. May Allah make ease for y'all out there.

      I think that's it for now. It's already a long entry... pheww~ -.-'  Anyways, I'll see you guys in Part III - II, where we will go into details the other two strategies left. So, for the time being, acknowledge the problems you have with porn and identify what matters most. Hang in there. Make du'a everyday, do not stop. Hope this du'a can make a strong motivation for you to work on quitting porn, insyaAllah. Allah is with you, my man (^_^)







     




     

     

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Posted by Unknown

The Porn Trap (Pt. II) ~ Why I no can quit porn?! errghhh~

22:45 | Labels:

    

   After reading through Part I, I bet I don't have to tell you that, it's good idea to quit porn (abuden..?!). Knowing that all the drawbacks outweigh the instant pleasure, is a good enough reason to start a click in your mind saying~

"I need to change!"

   People want to quit because of many reasons. It could be because they're tired of living a dishonest life and wanted to start taking control of their lives. And maybe they have come to realize that, what they're doing is against Allah's orders and they want to be a better Muslim in this world and hereafter, insyaAllah (^o^)v

   And it's important that any porn - users that want to quit, know that on the instant that they have the thought of...
"I want to change!"
"I want to quit porn."
"Porn is destroying my life."

...already means that they have taken the first step to a porn - free lifestyle and being a better servant of Allah.

However.....

   Quitting porn never was a smooth and breezy journey by the seashore. It is a journey full of thorns, tornadoes, whirlpool, air turbulence, thunderstoms or whatever you have in mind to show that it is a tough journey. (seriously, it's tough O.o) But no worries, take it as a test of faith from Allah, hehe. Just like what He said in Chapter 29 : Al-ankabut..

"Do people think that they will be left alone because they say, 'We believe' and not be tested? And We indeed tested those who were before them and Allah will certainly make known those who are true and will certainly make known of those who are liars."
(29 : 2-3)
(^_^)

   It's totally normal for people to find it difficult to stop. Even with what you think as a strong intention such as change for the sake of Allah and changing your life, the desire will come back and hunt for you. It's also normal, if in one instant you quit porn, then the next day you use it and felt miserable and start talking to yourself that you're weak, you should've been able to stop using it. But later the next day, you fall into the same thing and you start feeling that this is a never-ending cycle. For such thing to happen, it's can be very frustrating, disappointing and somehow developed a conflicting emotions of whether I should quit or not. I mean, tell me about it, who wouldn't? Every time you try, you fail. And we're not talking months of struggle....It's about years of struggle. YOU FEEL ME?? YEARS OF STRUGGLE... huh~ (Sabaq naa.. jgn marah2~)


Why isn't anything working?!

   I mean, that's the point. That's the question that we wanna know the answers to it. I bet you've been wondering, why isn't anything working? Why is it so hard? I want to quit, but why can't I quit?

Hmmm..... hmmmm...hmmmmmmm. Argghhh... I can't think of any! :'(

   Don't worry, I know how you feel. Well, as a matter of fact, there are two things two consider :

  1. Ambivalence (conflicting emotions)
  2. Motivation
   When we talk about ambivalence, it's normal for porn - user to face it at the beginning of quitting stage. On one hand, you said, "Yes, I want to quit," knowing how dangerous it is. But on the other hand, you said, "No, I don't want to quit," knowing all the pleasure and excitement it gives you. To quit porn, ambivalence needs to be taken care of. You must be able to resolve it. The feeling to quit needs to be stronger than the feeling to use it. To quit >>> To use it. This is when motivation comes in. Strong motivation is not just about giving strong and enduring willingness, but strong motivation leads your action towards accomplishing your goals. Be it any addiction, strong motivation is a crucial element to stop it. Very very important stuff to quit porn. The idea is simple... it is basically~

"Stronger motivation results in more likely the ambivalence to be resolved"

   Which means, when you have stronger motivation, you won't need to think twice whether to quit or not. Ok, I think that's enough for Part II. Well, I did said I'm going to cover about the healing process in Part II, but, so, really, very, sorry because I find it's important to go through it in detail because we're talking about porn addiction issues and to tackle it, you need a thorough understanding of what's going on. So, I'll see ya again in Part III, where I will cover about some strategies to tackle porn out of your life, insyaAllah. For any of you facing this problem, try to resolve your ambivalence by looking for a strong motivation to quit. Keep making du'a cos Allah hears you. Just look on the bright side. There could be 1001 lessons that Allah wants you to learn from this struggle. Hang in there... =)



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Posted by Unknown

The Porn Trap (Pt.1)

22:41 | Labels:

"What the.... what kind of stuff are you posting?"

"Rilex...cool. I'm not posting porn material. I'm trying to help here."



           I know the title of this post is quite 'controversial'. In a sense because there's the word "porn" up there. However, don't worry, be happy.... I'm trying to make you happy =)

           For the last few months, I've been reading this book called 'The Porn Trap' and basically it covers the cause, the effect and healing from porn addiction. Pretty light read on such heavy stuff. Generally, people don't want to talk about this stuff, knowing they themselves have problem/s with it. They fell it is bad, disgusting and all sorts of bad feeling. We tend to look on one eye (tengok sebelah mata) into this matter without knowing how SERIOUUUSSSSSS this problem is. And when I say serious, I reaaaallllyyy really mean it >.<


. 


            In Part 1, all I'm going to talk about is the effects of Porn. Later in Part 2, I'm going to focus on getting rid of it. I know some people out there might have some major problem, or should I say ADDICTION to porn... (Frankly speaking, I'm going to be all transparent in these few entries). One way to find out if you have addiction to it, simple fulfill this criteria :
  1. Crave for it intensely and persistently.
  2. Can't control it and ultimately fail when the try to stop using it.
  3. Continue using it despite knowing its negative consequences.

If you fulfill these three criteria, welcome aboard to your worst nightmare. :'(

             There are a few negative consequences that we should look together, and personally, this entry for someone who have this problem and these consequences might ring a bell to them. A shout out to those who have an intention to look into porn (jangan hang gatai nk tengok), because people said....

PREVENTION IS BETTER THAN CURE

              This stuff is like drug, only in different form. It gives instant pleasure, instant sexual outlet without any responsibility or commitment like marriage. In fact, it is so easily accessed nowadays. I mean, for real, I even ran into dirty website advertisement on Facebook. You know, the ads at the side of the webpage. It's crazy. Unlike the old days where you need to spend some money to get some porn materials, nowadays, in the age of Web 2.0, you can get it for free, just a click away. Again, it's crazy >.<

             People don't see porn as dangerous as drug or alcohol or maybe cigarettes because the health effect is subtle (maksudnya, effect dy x obvious la..). Unlike the others, we could see how the effect is towards the ones doing it. In fact, it is just the same, porn, drugs and alcohol because... (sorry, i'm going to get a little bit scientific here). People might think..
     "Oh come on..How can it be as dangerous as a drug. I can't smoke it, drink it or shoot it. I bet there's no harm in it. Pfftt~~~"

           Look deeper, friends. Porn is able to change your brain chemistry like how drug and alcohol does because it causes your dopamine level to spike. (Dopamine is a hormone that makes you feel 'high'- khayal, etc.. You get what I mean.) And at the same time, it also increases other 'feel - good' chemicals in your brain. Overloading with pleasure chemicals leads you to wanting more of it and leads to addiction. Even worse, if you masturbate to it.... quitting can be your worst experience ever. So, the first problem is...


#1 - Changes your brain chemistry.



           Engaging with porn can simply means you're leading a dual life. Your real life and your secret fantasy life that you don't want other people to know. Regular use of it can keep you isolated from the people around you, from the people you love. Keeping a dark secret behind you can be very emotionally frustrating. Especially in a relationship that requires you to be honest, you need to be dishonest towards other people and worse, to yourself, just to keep safe that your dark secret is not exposed to them. Fearful of rejection leads to such dishonesty and leading a secretive lifestyle. Anyone who spends a lot of their time with porn will eventually have some problems to go about with their loved ones. They don't want to let them know because doing so can destroy their faith, their trust and their hope towards you. So better off lead a secretive and dishonest life and feel bad about yourself. Porn user also tend to get scared to build new relationship as they fear of other people's judgement towards their porn usage. They may appear fine and happy on the outside, but deep down inside, they are afraid and felt isolated. Thus, the second problem is....


#2 - Isolated from your loved ones and leads an emotionally frustrating lifestyle.


           I don't know about you guys, but I've heard some of my friends said that, by watching porn actually gives you a  picture of how it should be after marriage, helps you 'turned on', yada yada yada... But, SAY WHAT???! That's total nonsense. In fact, it makes thing worse. It does not promote intimacy in marriage. It destroys your marriage..BOOOMM!!! Porn gives a wrong idea of sexual intimacy between married couples. The way porn portray it so beastly and sex is simply a 'tool' for an outlet for such desire. When the real thing is, it should promote intimacy in a loving way. Immersed with the porn fantasy can lead your spouse lose  trust in you and felt weak because your partner might think that she/he alone is not enough, to some extent, that their partner need things like porn to fulfill their sexual desire. The relationship with your partner can be portrayed as if there were another person trying to destroy your marriage, when in reality there's none. Porn is like a competitor to your life partner. Sex tend to become mechanical thing rather than making love or being intimate in a beautiful way. So, the other major problem is....


#3 - Destroys your marriage


              In conclusion, we have to reflect ourselves. Allah has warned in the Quran to lower you gaze, didn't He? He said :

"Tell the believing men to reduce (some) of their vision and guard their private parts. That is purer for them. Indeed, Allah is acquainted with what they do." (24:30)

Allah is All knowing and for sure He knows why something should be prohibited. Prohibition simply means He loves His servants. Allah does not want His servants to suffer on this earth nor in the hereafter. Just see for yourself when an order is being disobeyed by mankind. The effect is very devastating.  So, those with this problem, take some time to think and step into reality. Look with eyes of rationality, not by nafs or desire. May Allah gives us strength to stay away from pornography. InsyaAllah, in the next entry, we'll try to talk a little bit of healing this habit :)                              

          

              
             




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