Attention given at the wrong time

Not too long ago, I've heard (read actually) a conversation between a psychiatrist and his clients, a married couple...

"What do you and your wife do when the children are being quiet and doing their own stuff?" The psychiatrist asked, curiously to his clients.

     "That's when we do our own business, our work, leisure and stuff," the husband answered. His wife was nodding along.
   
     "So, when do you actually say something or even commented on your children?" the psychiatry asked again.

     "Well, usually whenever they're fighting each other or making too much noise in the house," the wife said and like before, his husband was nodding along this time.

     "Alright. What do you think is the problem right here? Can you see it?" asked the psychiatry.

     After a short while, the husband answered, "I think I understand now."

     "How?" asked the psychiatrist, expecting the husband to explain further

     "I think, when the child behaved well, we let them be. But, when the child does not behave, that was when we gave them ATTENTION. That's why children doesn't want to behave, because by being bad, they can attract our attention," the husband concluded the whole thing.

     The psychiatrist smiled.



CHILDREN NEED ATTENTION

I'm no parents, nor a husband, but I'm just a mere kid who currently studying psychology as my major. It may seems so much theory and some parents might said to me, "What do you know about parenting?"

Of course I don't know anything realistic, everything is theory. But psychology theory fits the society in general level. I bet you've faced it too. I went through the same thing, our parents mostly did the same thing like how those married couples did

Talking about nurturing or loving your child...

The only way you can do it, is to GIVE THEM ATTENTION. Children want parent's attention more than anything. We're talking about child ranging from childhood to adolescent stage of development

NO NO NO...

They don't want your money, your iPad, your tablet, your Galaxy S3, or even your iPhone5. It's your attention that they want.

But the problem is, we gave them attention when they're not behaving. When they are being a naughty child.

We don't give them attention we're they're being nice little angel.

Children can only think through their senses and instinct. Rationality is yet to be developed.

So, when attention come when they're being bad, that's why they want to be bad.






HUMANS REPEAT REWARDING BEHAVIOUR

Humans will repeat behaviour that is rewarding to them.

ATTENTION is the greatest reward for a growing child.

If being a brat (naughty child) means receiving attention, then being a brat is what they want to keep doing.



Talking about child development is talking about the future of this ummah. Shaping a child today means shaping the ummah tomorrow.