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Lesson 1 - Criticism kills | How to win friends and influence people



     A special book given by my dad a long time ago. But, not until recently I felt the urgency to read and share something about it. It's not that I don't have time to, but I just can't make time to read it. Ok, I sound like I'm trying to cover up my laziness.... LOL. The name of the book is self-explanatory. It is what the title says. In today's entry, I'm gonna share with you what it tells us in the 1st chapter and I'll try to do it every week, in shaa Allah. At least that will keep me constantly reading it... haha :P

     So, here goes the 1st principle or chapter ~

"Don't Criticise, Condemn, or Complain."



  *FYI, not the real name of the chapter

     Why not? At least it keeps his mouth shut.... 

     Ever been in a situation where people criticise or condemn you? Yup, I've been in those situations a lot of time and often what I do, what most people would do, when people criticised us, we will start justifying ourselves and prove what we are doing is not wrong. I just can't see myself doing it differently. Why? Because criticism is bad. It puts us in a defensive stance. It hurts one's precious pride, wound our sense of importance. Criticism is bad because it demoralise and yet to create any change at all. B.F Skinner, a Behavioural Psychologist showed that animals learn rapidly through rewards than punishments. The same concept applies to human.
  
     Human being is not a creature of logic. We are dealing with people of emotions, so it is very very important to not speak ill of anyone. Bitter criticism pulls one's pride down to Earth. Just take a minute and start thinking what could happen if you start criticising people and condemning them? Yup, you do get satisfaction, your own pride restored. But there're price to be paid, your going to create a super wide barrier with him, induce hatred in them towards you, worsen the relationship, demoralised them, or worse, destroy their future. You get more bad things than any good outcome.

     Instead, try to understand what they went through. You wouldn't know that the reason that your student came late to school because they have only a single pair of school uniform to be shared with his own brother and he had to wait for his brother to return, so that he could wear the uniform to school. Let's try and figure why they do what they do and this is infinitely better than criticising. It encourages us to be tolerant and be kind to others. Talk to them nicely. Don't start calling names or label them as selfish, they are intolerant, stupid, etc because they might not know that it is wrong or they might have even done their best for it. We are not one to judge anyone. Allah does not judge any of His servants until the Day of Resurrection. So why should you and I? ;)



Principle 1

- Don't criticise, condemn, or complain -




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Me, Shaytan & Fajr

One cold morning, I heard a voice trying to wake me up. The voice said my name once.

     "Izzat!"

Twice.

     "Izzat, wake up. It's Fajr!"

     I was so lazy to wake up. It's cold and it feels really really good under the blanket at this hour. But he kept calling me and waking me up over and over again.

     "Izzat, wake up! Don't fall for the shaytan! Come on, now. Wake up!  Shaytan is playing tricks on you."

     
I said to myself, "Oh man, I can't let shaytan play tricks on me!" So, without any delay I woke up immediately, take a bath, make wudhu' and go straight to the masjid to pray Fajr in jamaah.




***


     That was the day when I was in boarding school. Yeah, we have a religious group of students who always wake me and other students up in the morning for Fajr prayer. The way of saying "Don't fall for the shaytan!" have been a powerful phrase that I hold on until today. In fact, Allah said in Surah An-nisa, verse 26, that the plot of the devil/shaytan is very weak. So, what makes of us if we fall for the shaytan and sleep through? Well, what I can say is that we ARE a LOSER. *sigh. (T.T)

     So, ever since then, if I were lazy to wake up for Fajr, I would remember this. But there is a second way that I used to force myself to wake up for Fajr and that is bearing in mind that praying Fajr in jamaah is one of the key for Islam to win. Like what Sheikh Khalid Yassin said, "Fajr is for soldier." If you can't mujahadah yourself to commit for praying Fajr in jamaah at the masjid, then the ever-dreamed 'Islam will win' situation will remain as a dream as you sleep through the Fajr praying time.

     I'm not saying I always wake up early. Most of the time my friends wake me up. But that's the struggle within. A mujahadah against your nafs and a battle between you and shaytan.


So, two points to take away on how to wake up for fajr :-


1. Don't let youself fall for shaytan cos his plot is weak. If you fall for it, you're a loser.



2. Waking up for fajr and pray in jamaah at the masjid is the key for Islam to win.



These works for me. It may be different for you guys. Wallahua'lam

*well of course you set your alarm clock, sleep early and all that kind of stuff~


Cos if you snooze, you loose!

(^_^)v

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Ramadan|Half done already?

It's been a while I since my last entry on this blog.. huuuuu*blowing all the dust away*

mak aih, habuk... (O.O)!


     It's Ramadan 18 now and it's half way through. A lot of questions jumping and skipping around inside my mind thinking of whether I have made full use of my last 18 days of Ramadan.

"Have I gotten better?"

"Am I getting closer to being a Muttaqin (people of Taqwa)?"

"...or did I just fast for the sake of getting hungry and thirsty?"

"..my, what a waste~"





     Come on people, don't let your fast just be a normal and typical fasting where you simply become hungry and thirsty. That's like a total waste. Ramadan is a training ground for all Muslim to face the next eleven months battling Syaitan and Nafs.

     You've gone through the pain, you've gone through the hunger and thirst and you've gone through the blazing sun. Please... Don't let it waste. You've gone through all the hardships and now get a reward. Reward from Allah SWT, which is the total forgiveness at the end of Ramadan. As pure as a new born baby. Do it right~

     Something that I have been pondering for a few minutes ago. We still have around 12 days to go. Time to push forward and don't look back.

     Let's be the people of Taqwa...  (^^)

     頑張りましょうー! (ganbarimashou = Let's work hard)
     

     
     

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You're lying!


I can't really remember when or where this conversation took place..

Anyway, here it goes~



     I had a conversation with a close friend of mine. We were chatting a whole lot of stuff about life, uni, and all sorts of things. Then, we reached to the part that he asked me a question, in which I think is quite simple to answer. Especially us, as a Muslim. He asked me..

     "What do you want most in life, akhi?"

    "Erm.. of course, I want to go to heaven! We have the same goal right?"

     He nodded and with a smile on his face, he said to me,

     "You're lying akhi. Not just you, but me too. We said we want heaven, we want to go to Jannah, but we're obviously lying."

     "What do you mean we're lying? Isn't that what we want?" Me asking him with a puzzled look on my face.

    "We're lying because we said we want Jannah, but we're not acting like it. We're doing sins like it's part of our life. Sink into the love of this Dunya, playing games and all other entertainment excessively, to the point that we bargained our sleep time at night. Just makes me think again, whether I'm saying it because I really want it, or just to make myself look pious?"


     I remained silent and felt like a strong slap just landed on my cheek, both side of it. It was too bitter to swallow when he called me a liar. But yeah, I did. Some of us did. I mean, do you really want it? Or you're just saying it to make yourself look good, or for whatever reasons it may be. If you want it, act accordingly!

     Let's keep moving forward now and be a better Muslim everyday. Not just BE a better Muslim, but call people into Islam, not just to the non-Muslim, but to the Muslim. That's the priority, cos they're our brothers and sisters of Aqidah-bonded.

(^-^)/

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Basketball Shoe & Shoe Lace..

A few months before I came to Adelaide, I met an akh from UK. He dropped by KBU (Kolej Bndr Utama, where I had my foundation year).

     One afternoon, we were playing basketball together. Me and his 'usrah'mates from UK as well. When we're on our way to the basketball court, I saw his basketball shoe. Still shiny and still have that 'bau kedai'. If I'm not mistaken, the model was Hyperfuse (It was expensive at that time. Around RM300-400. Only 'tokey emas' can buy that).




     So, we had a little conversation. Me and him....

Me   :  Wow, that pair of shoe looks new. I looked at the review and it has good performance too.

Akh  :  Oh, this shoe... ? This is a little bit special compared to any I had before.

Me   :  Oh, why's that? (puzzled)

Akh  :  You see those guys? (pointing towards his 'usrah'mates, walking down the road to the court).

Me   :  Yeah...

Akh  :  Yup, those guys bought it for me. (^^)

Me   :  (O.o) (*speechless!)

Akh  :  Ukhuwwah values more than this. It's not about the shoe, it's about the willingness to sacrifice some of the things that you loved, to someone that you care for the sake of Allah.


     I looked down, looking at my run-down basketball shoe (not that I want a new one, haha). Looking at my shoe lace.

     Ukhuwwah is indeed like a shoe lace, while Islam is like the shoe. With a carefully tied shoe lace, you can walk with the shoe, in fact, run with it without falling down. No problem at all. This Deen of Islam can soar as high as it can get. The Ustaziatul Alam (Islam as the world's 'trend-setter') that we've ever dreamed of.





     But if it is untied, forget running, walking too can make you fall and bleed. Each end of the shoe lace have its role to play. You can't tie your shoe just with one end of the shoe lace, right? So, value it before the shoe can no more be used. Isn't ukhuwwah is one of the core of this Ummah? Take good care of it, will ya~






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Walk your talk!





I do agree that doing da'wah or trying to spread good on this Planet require us to walk our talk. We lead the people, our target of da'wah (mad'u), by example. Through our good akhlak and manners that agrees to Islam.

"Man, how on earth is that gonna work if you're not telling them what they should do?"

     Well, we can debate all day long about this, by this my 2 cents and my experience.

     I agree that we do have to tell our mad'u, the people out there, what to do and what not to do. And as a da'ie, someone who's in the path of da'wah and tarbiyyah, we do have our weekly Halaqah (or famously known as Usrah) with our mutarabbi (the people who join Usrah) and we can talk about a lot of things that will make them nodding and responsive throughout the Halaqah. 

     But, a da'ie should know that our relationship with our mutarabbi does not end in Halaqah, we also do have an engagement with them outside Usrah (which is very important cos this is when you practically show what you have talked about during Usrah), or whenever we meet (planned or accidently bumped-into) them in a setting outside of Usrah. Just so you know, that our mutarabbi or mad'u is not stupid. They are (most of the time) a very critical analyst - *gulp. Cos that's when they analyse and start thinking, if we are actually serious about what we're talking about the whole night during the Halaqah.

     So, if you're not acting accordingly, everything that you ever talked about during the Halaqah will be nullified and they'll start thinking..

"Eleh... sembang lebat je abang ni. Suruh ni la, suruh tu la."

     Yup, I agree that this mutarabbi of yours should listen to what you said, not what you do. But seeing his Murabbi (someone who leads the Usrah) acting pretty much the same as he is, not walking his talk, why would they want to listen to you the next time? Why would they want to seek you again for some advice to be a better Muslim?

     Talking and advicing to them is one thing. Showing them example to follow is another thing. Leading by example, often keeps your mutarabbi or mad'u thinking, more than if you advice them all day long and not providing them solution/s on how to do it. It will eventually got nullified. Yes I do agree it is a long process (and it can be very very long.... true story), but a surely process compare to lecturing them without walking your talk. One personal experience that occurs to me was when I updated my status..




     And this was one of the comments...




     And that particular thing that he said to me happened like 7 years ago when I actually did those things. I'm not trying to show off cos this is the only thing I've ever made and I basically saying this as a reminder for myself cos most of the time, we're doing da'wah hoping that it will give an instant impact when it is not. Doing da'wah and hoping for the result to appear instantly can make someone slipped and leave this path of da'wah. Cos da'wah is a long process (Alhamdulillah if Allah make it easy for you). However, if a da'ie look at how big the bonus it can give to the Akhirat, the 'ajr (pahala) that you're making for every single drop of sweat, every breath of tiredness, gasping for air that you have done, then, in shaa Allah you'll be motivated.


*just my 2 cents. Enough said, time for Maghrib prayers. I do need to start walking my talk... >.<


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The BIGGEST SALE EVER!

     Ever imagined yourself seeing a 70% discount off for your favorite t-shirts and shoes?


*at least these offers seems appealing to me.. haha


     Now that's one sick offer! I guess you could call those who PURPOSELY missed this opportunity and decided to buy these expensive stuff during a non-SALE period, as someone who's not perfectly sane (In other word, stupid). Hmm..

     But now, let me tell you the BIGGEST SALE that ever existed and it is happening in your closest 'retail store'. Something worth billion times more than your shoes, your clothes and all that stuff. And I wonder what could that be? A 90% sales of everything??? ... (O.O)"

NOPE! 

But something bigger.

Something that could save not just your money, but your life too.

    Come look here... Someone is trying to show us the BIGGEST SALE here~


"O you who believed, shall I guide you to a transaction that will save you from a painful punishment?"
(As-Saff:10)

     Ooooo... of course I want it. So what is it??


"[It is that] you believe in Allah and His messenger and strive in the cause of Allah with your wealth and your lives. That is the best for you if you should know"
(As-Saff:11)


     So, what do I get out of this BIGGEST SALE? 90% discount... hee~


"He will forgive for your sins and admit you to gardens beneath with rivers flow and pleasant dwellings in gardens of perpetual residence. That is the great attainment"
(As-Saff:12)


*WWWOOOWWW... definitely the BIGGEST SALE EVER!

Is the sale still on?

   Yup, in fact, it will be all day long until you hit the grave. Hehe. But I guess some of us... erm, not perfectly sane, cos most of the time, we don't take this opportunity, though (myself too..*sigh). So, what are we waiting? Let's go.... We never know when will the SALE ends (read=when we will die) 

(^_^)/
     

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